Fighting the need for fulfillment

It is 2 am on a summer night and so far throughout my whole summer break, I haven’t felt relaxed or super comfortable in general. At first, I thought that this uneasy feeling stemmed from the fact that two of my close friends are moving halfway across the earth to the great United States. However, after deep thinking and maybe overthinking too much, I realized that I expect too much of myself. I feel uneasy because I feel like I am not doing enough. I've had this feeling for a while now, even during school. I go to a high-ranking private school where everyone is always expected to be on the go, excelling in their passions and studies, and preparing to get into a near or ivy league college. Maybe that is why I feel like I am not doing enough. When I look at the environment around me, I compare myself. Anyways enough about me and my thoughts… What is fulfillment? According to the Cambridge Dictionary, fulfillment is “a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction because you are happy with your life.” I love this definition of the word because of the last part because you are happy with your life. If fulfillment means to be happy with your life, why do the summer internship at a boring office you don’t want to do? Why get a job when you don’t actually need one? Why force yourself to do things you don’t actually want to do just for the sake that it might help your future? Obviously, life is unfair, and doing summer jobs or internships will benefit your future. However, if you actually want to be fulfilled, do things that make you happy and will make your life happy. Focus on the present and less on the future. Honestly, I’d rather enjoy the journey and process of doing things I actually like than forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do this summer for my “future.” I think that every day is a gift from God and we should be more thankful for the simple things around us. As I am writing this, I am realizing that for me personally, my fulfillment is found in God and his love for me. I don’t need to keep doing big extracurricular things to impress others, or even top colleges. I believe that God will lead me to where he wants me to be through doing things that I enjoy and that make me happy. So what do you find fulfillment in?